First In The Queue
by Miss Romance-Lover
Summary: A multi-chapter ficlet about Rae's love/hate (but mostly hate) relationship with performing. Finn wants to hear her sing...
1. Chapter 1

First In The Queue

"And then I froze and just...legged it," Rae explained, describing her most embarrassing college moment so far. Even more mortifying, she had decided, than the moment she and Finn had been caught together in the disabled toilet. "So that's it, I'm _never_ singing again."

She cast a meaningful look in the direction of the oblivious, but well-meaning red headed girl sitting opposite her, but having brought up the matter in the first place, Izzy just wasn't taking the hint.

"So what were you singing?" asked Finn.

"Doesn't matter," Rae said quietly. "I hate performing, I should never have bothered."

At this point Izzy cut in. "She's brilliant, though! She got loads of cheers in rehearsals. Oh, and the song was 'Nothing Compares 2 U'."

"Izzy!"

"Stop being so modest, Rae. You've got an amazing singing voice."

The other lads were staring wordlessly at her. It made Rae feel uneasy. Chloe had yet to say a word, which was understandable. The conversation did revolve around a time in which she had gone AWOL, after all. That solo had belonged to her in the first place.

"I do not," Rae replied, attempting to shrink down in her seat.

"She does, actually," Chloe suddenly announced to the rest of the table. "We used to do choir together when we were younger." Their was no bitterness attached to her friend's voice. In fact, she sounded pleased. Had Rae not made the decision to read Chloe's diary, she probably never would have picked up on the subtle ways her best friend found to pay her a compliment.

Despite this, she still refused to continue the discussion, and was grateful when Finn steered the subject onto something else. She thought it might all be forgotten about until she felt her boyfriend's finger spelling out a message on her leg, underneath the table:

_To be continued._

And this time there was nothing appealing about that sentence.

* * *

It was hours before they left the pub, full of alcohol and giggling away at each other as they walked hand in hand back to Finn's place, where Rae was staying the night. They were drunk, but comfortably so, in a way that still enabled them to have a conversation that made sense.

Again, she had hoped he'd forgotten about her massive concert failure with all the other things they'd talked about during the evening, but in her quiet, brooding state Finn gently tugged on her hand. "Rae?"

"Mmm?"

"Are you really never going to sing again?"

She watched his face carefully, but it was fully composed, totally serious and it clearly wasn't going to change until he heard an answer.

"No one wants to hear that anyway," she said finally.

"Well, according to Izzy-"

"Izzy was just being kind, like always," Rae interrupted softly. "I was only ever standing in for Chloe. It was a one-time thing and I couldn't even do that."

He stopped dead on the pavement, moving to stand in front of her when she also slowed to a stop. "I want to hear it, Rae."

"You what?" she squinted at him, thinking that maybe she was more drunk than she realised.

"I want to hear you _sing_."

She laughed then, loud and merry but with a tinge of overpowering disbelief. "You do not."

Finn didn't laugh with her. "You are _not_ starting that again."

Rae scrunched up her face in confusion, but didn't respond.

"You don't get to tell me what I want, or what I don't want. Okay?"

"But I-"

"_Okay_?"

She huffed out a sigh. "Okay. But it doesn't mean I'm about to sing anytime soon."

"That's...it's alright, that's up to you, that's your right. I'm just saying, if you ever did want to. I'd be first in the queue to listen."

Looking at him for a long minute, Rae couldn't help but picture it in her head, a sort of 're-do' of that awful concert. One where Finn was there, sitting right at the front and giving her the strength to actually perform for the first time in her life.

But God no, she didn't want to do it. Even the thought of singing in a secluded space made her feel sick. Or maybe that was just the beer.

"Finn. It's cold, can we...?" and she gestured for them to start walking again.

Without another word, he took her hand in his again, and they continued the short journey back to his house. When they got there, he took out his keys, drunkenly dropped them on the ground, picked them back up again and somehow managed to unlock the door, letting Rae inside first. He led her up the stairs and as soon as they got to his room, they both kicked off their shoes and fell clumsily onto his bed.

She was feeling sleepy now, and by the looks of it so was Finn, but he managed to stay conscious enough to turn his head towards her. "Love you," he said, nudging her nose with his own.

Rae felt the familiar fluttering in her heart, and smiled. "Love you too."

He closed his eyes with a smile to match, and she followed suit. Waiting until he descended into sleep, and suddenly unable to help herself, she sang one line of a certain song under her breath, in a voice barely above a whisper.

"_'Cos nothing compares to you..."_


	2. Chapter 2

She knew the girls were up to something when they practically dragged her to the pub as soon as college finished for the day. They were never usually in this much of a rush, even if it _was_ Friday. Only when she'd finished her first pint did they spill the beans.

"Everyone reckons you should sing the lead in the next concert," Chloe announced as soon as Rae had put down the glass.

"_Everyone_?_" _she asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Who's everyone?"

"Everyone in our drama class, silly," replied Izzy. "And I bet if we asked them, the boys would agree too."

She stood up, wanting to walk out of this whole conversation. "They haven't even heard me sing!"

"Well they've taken my word for it," the redhead insisted, rather firmly for her. "Come on, Rae. Sit down, please?"

She found herself unable to refuse Izzy. As well as the fact that she was genuinely lovely, the girl sounded so certain; so despite her misgivings Rae relented and agreed to at least hear them out.

"Hang on, I didn't even know we were having another concert," she said then as the thought occurred.

"It's on the 22nd. We didn't tell you before because we didn't want to freak you out," Chloe explained sheepishly. "We sort of told the others we'd try and ease you into the idea."

"Oh, so basically you're all ganging up on me?"

Izzy suddenly looked horrified. "No! We're your best friends, we'd never try to bully you into it. Look Rae, you _do_ know we wouldn't persuade you to do anything if we thought it would end badly?"

Rae let out a sarcastic laugh. "You mean like last time when I got on stage in front of the whole school and it _ended badly_?"

Chloe took hold of her best friend's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "That wasn't because of your singing, though. It was because you got scared, right?"

"Thanks for reminding me."

"I just meant that it won't be like that this time. We'll all have your back, Rae."

The lads chose this moment to walk into the pub, and she cast a look in Finn's direction. "Did you know about this?"

"That we were meeting here? Er, yeah," he answered in confusion.

"No, I mean about the concert," Rae was starting to grow agitated again. But when her boyfriend grabbed a nearby stool and sat down beside her, his face still curiously bemused, she realised that he really had no idea what she was going on about. He looked to the girls for an explanation.

"We're trying to talk Rae into singing the lead part at the college show. She thinks everyone's out to get her," Chloe was rolling her eyes.

"When is it?" he asked casually.

"Finn! I'm not doing it, you know."

Izzy smiled at him. "The 22nd."

"Go on, Raemondo, you'll smash it," Chop said, placing another round of drinks on the table.

"What are you gonna sing?" asked Archie. Rae was incredulous.

"Guys, what is this?" she exclaimed.

Finn nudged her playfully. "Hey," he said in a low voice. "I'm sorry, girl. I just really want to hear you sing. No one's going to make you do it if you don't want to."

"But if you do it you'll be amazing," Izzy gushed. Everyone at the table turned to stare at her – it was unheard of for Izzy to be _this_ determined on someone else's behalf. "Sorry Rae. I can't help it. And anyway, none of the rest of you heard how great she sounded last time she rehearsed."

Taking a deep breath, Rae put on a smile. "Alright, if I promise to think about it will you all just drop it for the rest of the night?"

The rest of the gang looked appeased by this, and Finn dropped a quick kiss on her cheek. "Done," he promised, and she let herself relax as he put an arm around her.

* * *

Her friends had been true to their word, and even Izzy had stopped herself from asking again about the concert. But days later, sitting in her lounge with Finn, Rae began to consider the idea for herself.

"If I ask you something, will you promise to answer honestly?"

"Hmm?" Finn looked up from the television. "'Course, what is it?"

"_If_ I sing in the concert and I end up having a panic attack, will you still want to go out with me?"

He immediately sat up straight in his seat and made a point of looking Rae in the eye. "Yes, I will still want to go out with you. Is that what you really think?"

She avoided his gaze, feeling guilty for doubting him. "No. I don't know Finn, I'm just scared. I want to be brave, I want to be able to do things without having a meltdown. But last time was _horrible_. I'm just an embarrassment."

"Don't say that," Finn said, and he looked so upset at the level to which she put herself down that now she felt even worse. "You're the strongest person I know, remember? It doesn't matter to me if you get on that stage and then change your mind about performing. It won't stop me loving you."

He opened his arms for her and she slotted into them, thinking over all that he had said. Rae had known for a while now that he loved her in the way she had always longed to be loved. Finn accepted her for who she was, and it was daft of her to spend any time worrying when she was with him.

Would she be able to take the lead and sing on stage like everyone thought she should? She honestly didn't know. But at least she could count on him to be her anchor, no matter what she decided.

"I'm gonna make a brew. Do you want one?" she had jumped up without warning, making her way to the kitchen and startling him.

"Yeah, please," he replied, staring after her.

Finn heard the kettle come to life, and as it boiled, a voice could be heard singing over the noise.

"_I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do, about you now..."_

He stayed put, transfixed by his girlfriend's voice. By the time she finished the song and emerged with two cups of tea, he was grinning from ear to ear.

"I'm first in the queue when you start signing autographs, girl."


End file.
